Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize