I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
