The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
