this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize