Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
