Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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