It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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