he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
