So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
