i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
