She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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