I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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