It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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