The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
