Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
