And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
