Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
