Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
