great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
