Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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