I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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