Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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