Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
