Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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