Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
