sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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