there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
