theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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