I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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