how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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