what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
