I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
