The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
