I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
