I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
