My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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