tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
