Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
