Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
