just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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