That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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