he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
