well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
