I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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