I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
