I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize