Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
