We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
