This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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