I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
