they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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