woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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