I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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