i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
