Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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