i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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