Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
