that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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