Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
