you have to choose: penises or morals?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
