NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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