in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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