Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
