I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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