Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
