Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You ruined the universe
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
