Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
