sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
