My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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