hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
