so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
