We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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