i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
