as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
