I feel great
I just peed on a car
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
