just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
