the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
only you would photoshop your dick
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
