actually, I'm a sock model
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
