i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
