Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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