you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
