I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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