i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
