my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im part way to drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
