I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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