I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
