My nipple is on Facebook.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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